Contemplating Collapse

'Contemplating Collapse, 2015, full collage

Upper left

Upper right

Bottom left

Bottom right

“The test of one’s decency is how much of a fight one can put up after one has stopped caring.”

 - Willa Cather

Solace and Growth

 “When despair for the world grows in me, and I wake in the night at the least sound in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be — I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds. I come into the peace of wild things who do not tax their lives with forethought or grief. I come into the presence of still water. And I feel above me the day-blind stars waiting with their light. For a time I rest in the grace of the world, and am free.” – Wendell Berry

Sunshine through Muhlenbergia grass - in the Fall Garden.

"No greater thing is created suddenly, 

any more than a bunch of grapes or a fig. 

If you tell me that you desire a fig, 

I answer you that there must be time. 

Let it first blossom, then bear fruit, then ripen."

 - Epictetus

What I made at last month's Monthly CraftNight.

     

"Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

 - Constantin Brancusi

Birth of an Oak Tree.

"That which does not destroy us makes us stronger."

 - Friedrich Nietzsche

~

'Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out'

"Do not try to save the whole world
or do anything grandiose.
Instead, create a clearing in the dense forest of your life
and wait there patiently,
until the song that is your life
falls into your own cupped hands
and you recognize and greet it.
Only then will you know how to give yourself
to this world
so worthy of rescue."

- Martha Postlewaite

'Tune In, Turn On, Drop Out' 2015

"Let the Beauty You Love Be What You Do." - Rumi

“I only went out for a walk and finally concluded to stay out till sundown, 

for going out, I found, was really going in.” - ​John Muir

The front yard at sunset a couple nights ago.  Major seeding happening in the greenhouse to the right today.

 “Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could.” -

​ ​

Louise Erdrich, The Painted Drum

Today's Infusion:  Hawthorn flower and leaf, Nettles, Hibiscus, Raspberry, Mulberry, and Sarsaparilla.

"​Close some doors. 

Not because of pride, incapacity or arrogance, but simply because they no longer lead somewhere." 
- ​Paulo Coelho

Down the road from my house on the way to spend the day at the tattoo shop yesterday:  a gaggle of Vultures.  I did not see anything dead; there were just as many in the trees.  I take it as a sign from a totem of mine.  Their scientific name is apt:    Cathartes aura, meaning 'Golden Purifier."  Their medicine totem is very powerful.  They create life from death. Their riding of the thermals gives vision to the wind.  Graceful creatures, with little fear, doing what needs to be done and sustaining themselves from it - and in so doing supporting health for ALL.  <3

 I saw Grief drinking a cup of sorrow and called out, “It tastes sweet, doesn’t it?” 

“You have caught me,” Grief answered, “and you’ve ruined my business. 

How can I sell sorrow, when you know its blessings?”
- Rumi

Change.

"Why then have to be human?
Oh, not because happiness exists,
Nor out of curiosity...
But because being here means so much;
Because everything here,
Vanishing so quickly, seems to need us,
And strangely keeps calling to us...
To have been
Here once, completely, even if only once,
To have been at one with the earth -
This is beyond undoing."
– Rainer Maria Rilke


~~~

SpiraLife

 from my collage archives - 2008

Close-ups:

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Samhain: An Inner Revelry

            The brightness of Summer is waning; time to let go as the leaf does when it falls to the ground                                             in its sacrifice to the future.  How do you become nourishment for your coming seasons?

It's that time of year again when the veil thins, as it does during the in-between times, like dawn and dusk.  This time, Samhain, being half-way in-between Autumn and Winter.  A dusk of the year.

Rainy Pumpkin Harvest

A time of harvests, literal and figurative; a time of going within, going underground, into the darkness; a time when we move from the riot of summer's yang:  heat, activity, light - to the calm of winter's yin:  cold, stillness, dark.  A time to honor our ancestors, those who came before; to harvest what we and our lineage have sown...

In this time, as in others, altars, fire, and nourishing foods 

are wonderful tools for presence and transformation.

  

I like to make altars including items that remind me of where I have been, 

items to reflect what I am currently undergoing, and most importantly, where I wish to move to.  

All of time in this instant, remembering the future...

A photo of my late, great, great Aunt Lucy - a major presence in my life - graces my altar.

Fire is a wonderful tool to burn away the old, making space for the new.  The chill in the night air this time of year makes it perfect for a bonfire.  But even if you do not have the space for an outdoor fire, a simple candle can bring the purifying magic of fire to you.  Light one and sit with it.

My hubbie next to a soon-to-be-lit bonfire we had the pleasure of communing with.

Since I heat with firewood, I have the regular occasion to burn things in order to symbolically release them.  We just had our first wood stove fire of the season last night and I always enjoy this first one, for many reasons, one of them that all the bits of paper I put in it over the warm season get burned away (my version of paper shredding when certain things just shouldn't go in the recycling for other eyes to possibly see).

As we burn away the old, with external fires, and with our internal metabolic fire, we make room for the new.  What we bring in makes what we are tomorrow.  This includes food and other things we consume: thoughts, what we set our eyes upon, the energies of the people and places around us, and so on...

Choose wisely.

 Sweet Potatoes from the Garden

Root Vegetables are very grounding, 

helping to keep our feet firmly connected to the Earth, rooted,

 as we begin to go within to explore this coming dark time.

 

Enter the Gate to you Inner Worlds, much is waiting for you there...

May Joy be the result of your explorations into the dark, however difficult the path may be.

Garden Harvests:  Nourishment for the Soul.

Entrance to my Kitchen

Looking out into the Greenhouse

Why then have to be human?
Oh, not because happiness exists,
Nor out of curiosity...

But because being here means so much;
Because everything here,
Vanishing so quickly, seems to need us,
And strangely keeps calling to us...
To have been
Here once, completely, even if only once,
To have been at one with the earth -
This is beyond undoing.

– Rainer Maria Rilke

~~~

Near Term Human Extinction

Short of an immediate and complete sessation of ALL industrial processes planetwide
(which unfortunately is not going to happen)...

In dealing with this, I have been collaging.  It's a hard thing to come to terms with, and a hard reality to live.

The collaging has helped; what do you do?  I have worked through much thought and emotion and cathartically come to a better place in the production of each of these, a month or so apart.  I offer collaging workshops, here in northern Virginia.

'Dichotomous Balance'

"You were born in a human form, and you find joy in it. Yet there are ten thousand other forms endlessly transforming that are equally good, and the joy in these is untold." - Chuang Tsu

'Stardust in the Eye of the Beholder'

Overall, I think the point is to find joy and to do what we can to help the Earth, as She will be here long after we are gone.  I have a Facebook group to this end.

Struck: Learning to Live with Disease

Without lost there is no found. 

So I tested positive for Lyme's disease at the beginning of last month after being sicker than I have ever been in my life.  From the researching I have done; it doesn't seem that it ever totally goes away.  There is no definitive "cure."  It's basically an organism that you live your life with.  I did a month of antibiotics and am taking a huge amount of herbs and supplements.  I am not better.  The symptoms change, they come and go, but they are not anything that is normal for me, and there are lots of them:  (following list from this site)

Symptoms of Lyme Disease

The Tick Bite (fewer than 50% recall a tick bite or get/see the rash)
Rash at site of bite
Rashes on other parts of your body
Rash basically circular, oval and spreading out (more generalized)
Raised rash, disappearing and recurring

Head, Face, Neck

Unexplained hair loss
Headache, mild or severe, Seizures
Pressure in head, white matter lesions in brain (MRI)
Twitching of facial or other muscles
Facial paralysis (Bell’s Palsy, Horner’s syndrome)
Tingling of nose, (tip of) tongue, cheek or facial flushing
Stiff or painful neck
Jaw pain or stiffness
Dental problems (unexplained)
Sore throat, clearing throat a lot, phlegm ( flem ), hoarseness, runny nose

Eyes/Vision

Double or blurry vision
Increased floating spots
Pain in eyes, or swelling around eyes
Oversensitivity to light
Flashing lights/Peripheral waves/phantom images in corner of eyes

Ears/Hearing

Decreased hearing in one or both ears, plugged ears
Buzzing in ears
Pain in ears, oversensitivity to sounds
Ringing in one or both ears

Digestive and Excretory Systems

Diarrhea
Constipation
Irritable bladder (trouble starting, stopping) or Interstitial cystitis
Upset stomach (nausea or pain) or GERD (gastroesophageal reflux disease)

Musculoskeletal System

Bone pain, joint pain or swelling, carpal tunnel syndrome
Stiffness of joints, back, neck, tennis elbow
Muscle pain or cramps, (Fibromyalgia)

Respiratory and Circulatory Systems

Shortness of breath, can’t get full/satisfying breath, cough
Chest pain or rib soreness
Night sweats or unexplained chills
Heart palpitations or extra beats
Endocarditis, Heart blockage

Neurologic System

Tremors or unexplained shaking
Burning or stabbing sensations in the body
Fatigue, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, Weakness, peripheral neuropathy or partial paralysis
Pressure in the head
Numbness in body, tingling, pinpricks
Poor balance, dizziness, difficulty walking
Increased motion sickness
Lightheadedness, wooziness

Psychological well-being

Mood swings, irritability, bi-polar disorder
Unusual depression
Disorientation (getting or feeling lost)
Feeling as if you are losing your mind
Over-emotional reactions, crying easily
Too much sleep, or insomnia
Difficulty falling or staying asleep
Narcolepsy, sleep apnea
Panic attacks, anxiety

Mental Capability

Memory loss (short or long term)
Confusion, difficulty in thinking
Difficulty with concentration or reading
Going to the wrong place
Speech difficulty (slurred or slow)
Stammering speech
Forgetting how to perform simple tasks

Reproduction and Sexuality

Loss of sex drive
Sexual dysfunction
Unexplained menstral pain, irregularity
Unexplained breast pain, discharge
Testicular or pelvic pain

General Well-being

Phantom smells
Unexplained weight gain, loss
Extreme fatigue
Swollen glands/lymph nodes
Unexplained fevers (high or low grade)
Continual infections (sinus, kidney, eye, etc.)
Symptoms seem to change, come and go
Pain migrates (moves) to different body parts
Early on, experienced a “flu-like” illness, after which you have not since felt well.
Low body temperature

Allergies/Chemical sensitivities

Increased effect from alcohol and possible worse hangover

I've had or have most of these.  I'm the kind of person who didn't even have an OTC painkiller in my house.  I don't get headaches.  Now a headache is almost constant, usually mild, sometimes severe.  Mostly it just feels like my head is stuffed with cotton.  My joints feel like they are made of steel wool.  Sometimes they ache so much they wake me up.  Sometimes shooting pains go through my bones.  My muscles feel burnt.  They're weak.  My brain isn't working like it used to.  I struggle to focus...

I do what I can and then I try to ignore it.  Sometimes I can, others...  well, it's persistent.  So I find myself in the deep pit of darkness at times dealing with it.

Anger led to contemplation, frustration to gumption.

If crisis means opportunity...



I've been working all this out with movement.  Bellydancing to Fever Ray.

Iacinct

~



In the Wilderness of my Solitude

    I knew everything I needed to know        without knowing anything
                                            this knowing pervades my moment:


    spiderwebs of time beat upon my shores with their embryonic embrace
   
    sinews of edification breed                                 hope and despair dance


    I bow to the Earth and her straightaway brimstone, tacit as a Dandelion

    behooved to catapult
        this numinous inkling
            of meta-oblation fractalling
                                                      touch the truth

Standing in the sun,     willing to burn away,         while others bask in frivolity
Wit clamors to take precedent,
    all the while words struggle to make it back from their pilgrimage
                                     heavy with the weight of the unspeakable firmament

The mountains are walking, but most two-leggeds are apathetic about their ignorance,
wingless,
                                                                                           driven by the machine…
                                                      the truth touches you

                            do you see?

"There's no sauce in the world like hunger." - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra


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